If you are one of the many Americans who telecommuted during the pandemic, chances are good that you have recently or soon will be called back to that mysterious land where rumors abound but are seldom seen: the office.

After nearly two years of having only preschoolers, old favorite spouses, and a spider plant named "Montgomery Bridgington IV" as "colleagues," many of us are a bit out of touch with the basics of workplace etiquette. Now that we can no longer fake a bad Internet connection when we don't want to go to a meeting, and we can no longer spend all day in Spiderman sweatpants (or Batman sweatpants at board meetings), how are we supposed to do our jobs?

In fact, our survey found that 70% of respondents felt rusty navigating social interactions in the workplace, and 90% had Rice Krispies strewn in their hair throughout our survey. (This is not an actual survey conducted by Marie Claire and LinkedIn, but one I conducted very scientifically, shouting "HOW ARE THINGS GOING." in the hallway to several neighbors in my apartment.) Considering that Rice Krispies is not even a high-fiber cereal, you can see how badly the average American worker needs guidance right now.

So we turned to a leading researcher (me) and expert (also me) to learn how to smoothly return to our former work lives. Read on for 10 tips for a smooth return to office life. Before you know it, you'll be working, socializing, and ignoring the accounts payable blender as if you've never stepped out of the office.

Visualize "how to get back to something."

If you are struggling to remember life in the office, many experts recommend a simple visualization exercise: in a dark, comfortable room, count to six and take a deep breath. Picture yourself surrounded by calm white light. Then picture yourself walking through the front door of the building, confident, poised, and ready to go. Picture yourself walking to the office kitchenette to start your day. Picture yourself going to the refrigerator and discovering that someone is eating your key lime yogurt. In a fit of anger, write a note titled "DEAR YOGURT THIEF" and tape it to the front of the refrigerator. As you struggle, you notice that all the interns are staring at you. The interns are frightened. Tell them that you will write them a letter of recommendation for graduate school if they pretend nothing happened. After imagining writing each letter of recommendation, slowly open your eyes. Refresh.

Think of an alternative to "pants."

Are the pants real? Or are they lies made up by fake media to get clicks?" not for me to say. Many workplaces would encourage all employees to wear these button-fly torture devices, but instead they use barrels with suspenders (breathable), the lower body of a stuffed horse (soft), or simply draw pants on with markers (free movement.)

Don't say anything weird around the water cooler (even if you really, really want to).

Experts have found that small talk in the office has mental health benefits. We don't know who those researchers were talking to (was it Brenda?), but in any case, they are likely to be trapped in water-cooler chit-chat against their will.

Since "small talk topics" are probably relegated to the forgotten corners of your brain, like the Pythagorean Theorem or facts about Chad Michael Murray, here's a refresher on what makes good office small talk and what doesn't:

Don't forget the IRL mute.

Only once a day, you are allowed to shout "I'm on mute" at someone you don't want to talk to and just leave.

Suppress your emotions with minty freshness.

While it is exciting to be back in the office with your favorite co-workers, it can be a bit of a challenge to re-acclimate to a less well-liked office companion. For this reason, experts recommend stocking your desk with a variety of gum. That way, when Shane, the 22-year-old co-worker who works three hours a day and spends the other five hours making TikTok "prank" videos in the equipment closet, asks you "How was Panny?" you partition the meeting behind a four-year-old screaming "The sun is not sad" for the past 18 months, I don't have to tell you how I've been trying to balance a spreadsheet. Because it's rude to talk while chewing gum. Instead of grinding your teeth to a pulp, just pop a piece of refreshing gum in your mouth and fill it with mint.

Find creative ways to cheat your way out of a lunch date. [Some people are eager to start their social life at the office by filling their calendar with lunch dates and coffee breaks. If you are not one of those people, you may feel trapped when an annoying teammate asks you out to lunch. You don't really want to hurt anyone's feelings, but you fake your own death to avoid sharing curly fries with Brenda. Fortunately, there's an easy solution: tell your co-workers that you'd love to go to lunch, but you have an important client meeting in the boardroom. Then, simply use the procedure from the acclaimed survival documentary "Home Alone 2" (opens in a new tab) to create a jury-rigged figurehead. Success. Emotions are spared and the curly fries are all yours.

Make a blood contract so you don't slip up at the IRL meeting.

You've been hitting mute or turning off video during meetings for over a year, talking shit with your roommate, watching YouTube videos in a separate window, and discreetly eating a whole French bread personal pizza. The good news is, you're not alone. Your colleagues also don't want to meet with you (except for one hard worker, perhaps Brenda). That's why it's so important for you and your most trusted coworkers to have a simple blood covenant in your pre-meeting meeting to cover for each other in case you slip up in front of your boss (see our October 2018 article, "10 Simple Blood Covenants to Boost Office Productivity"). That way, if one person forgets to physically be there and starts mindlessly humming the "Golden Girls" theme song, we are all ready for the distraction.

Embrace unconventional opportunities.

If you thought you were going to be away for up to two weeks in March 2020 and you left an almost empty coffee cup and a bag of uneaten Skittles on your desk, both covered in lush green fur and decomposing to the point where you might actually be developing a rudimentary awareness If they are, you are not creepy, you are a scientist. Congrats, and be sure to update your LinkedIn. These are marketable skills.

Manage workplace emotions with creative shouting.

Just once each day, a co-worker will say, "I really miss my commute; it's so nice to be here.

And remember, you're not the only one who feels totally clueless about what's going on at TF.

And while it may feel strange or awkward to be with your coworkers, we are all going through this together. We are not here to demand perfection from each other. Every time Brenda yells, "Hold on a minute," help me hit the "door close" button on the elevator. Teamwork makes dreams come true or something.

And who knows - at the rate companies are pushing for a return to the physical office, you may not even need to use these skills. But you should be prepared for any eventuality. That's what being a good employee is all about.