There's a limit to what you can Google under "mind-blowing sex positions (opens in new tab)" to find out what makes your partner fall in love with you in the bedroom. According to Dr. Via Jaffrey, a Switzerland-based clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, and Mary Jo Rapini, a Houston-based psychiatrist and sex therapist, exciting and satisfying sex is all about timing, communication, and spontaneity. Fortunately, Rapini shared some tips with Marie Claire about what actually works in the bedroom (many of her tips are backed by research).

Research shows that the key to better sex is better communication (opens in new tab). Communicating what you like and don't like is educational and beneficial, no matter how much you think you know about each other's bodies. If they like something, say so, rather than relying on (open in new tab) vague gestures or sounds. And if it's something you don't like, tell them that or steer them in a new direction. Try the "I want to try a different angle" suggestion. If simultaneous orgasm is your goal and you are approaching climax, don't talk about it.

In a 2016 study published in the Journal of Sex Research (opens in new tab), researchers analyzed responses from 39,000 heterosexual couples who had been married or cohabiting for at least three years. Couples who affirmed each other during sex and revealed themselves to be open enough to joke about embarrassing moments during sex (opens in new tab) and move on reported higher sexual satisfaction. Dr. Jaffrey noted that this lighthearted approach to sex is key, saying, "Don't take life too seriously. Happy couples laugh together.

No matter how great sex is, repetition of the same thing can feel monotonous over time. Marie Claire's male expert, Lodro Rinzler, suggests this to mix things up: "If you're in bed with someone and you have a feeling that you or your partner might enjoy something new, be it teasing, changing positions, whatever.

Dr. Jaffrey also recommends changing the time and place to avoid getting stuck in a weekly "obligatory sex" rut. "On the couch, in the car, on the kitchen counter, etc. But be careful, because sex in public is illegal. Try role-playing or taking a bath together. Be creative and have fun."

Long-term desire is built on a foundation of novelty. Otherwise, for most couples, erotic energy will spontaneously dissipate. Trying new things is the secret to keeping the fire alive.

Jaffrey points out that, especially for women, it is important to set the mood for sex, and foreplay should begin long before sex begins: "I'm not talking here about the foreplay you do right before sex, but the mental foreplay you do days before. Remember to be attentive to your partner. Little gestures and nice comments are important to set the right mood for sex." She also suggests keeping in communication during the day through mail and e-mail.

Good sex requires knowing what you like in bed. The only way to fully understand your pleasure potential is to explore your body by masturbating. Masturbation is a form of healthy self-exploration and should be encouraged by all people, even those in relationships. Studies have shown (open in new tab) that masturbation does not make you want to have sex, it actually has the opposite effect.

Try to enjoy your body at least two days a week. This is because your partner is not a mind reader. If you know exactly how you like to be touched, you can better communicate your desires to your partner.

It is important that you are fully and properly aroused before you put anything into the vagina. When excited, the vagina becomes distended and wet, and the genital tissues become engorged with blood. This makes intercourse and penetration feel good, not painful or uncomfortable. Be sure to give the clitoris adequate time and attention. If possible, have an orgasm before insertion. Women and those with female bodies can most certainly orgasm through oral sex and sex toys. Make your own pleasure a priority.

The power of sexy conversation (open in new tab) in the bedroom is often underestimated, but it can be a serious mood setter when you're trying to get it on together. But for those not accustomed to actually voicing fantasies like "50 Shades" (open in new tab), it's not easy to do. Says Rapini, "My [clients] benefit most when they go to a bookstore or find an erotic book online."

She suggests that couples read from erotic books together, especially if they want to work on developing a vocabulary of "dirty talk" that gives verbal cues without feeling self-conscious. Reading out of a script never works as well as when couples find a book they really like together and can develop from its terminology, she says.

One way Rapini advises long-term couples on how to explore the unknown to enhance their sexual experience is to shop for products and toys together. It could be anything from a couple's vibrator (she recommends the remote-controlled Fiera (open in new tab)) to massage oil, body paint, and blindfolds, but another way Rapini sets the scene is to try adding music as sexy background noise (open in new tab). 'Make massages a part of your routine and make sure you're touching each other. Many couples will begin to feel a heightened libido by doing so," she says.

There is no "right amount" of sex. This is a myth. As long as both parties are satisfied, that's fine; there is no one golden rule, but a recent study (open in new tab) suggests that the more sex you have, the better the sex, and that the happiest couples have sex only once a week.

So if you're worried that you and your partner aren't having sex like rabbits, there is evidence that the more energy you put into making sex *better* on a regular weekly basis, the more it will pay off in the long run. Focus not on how often you jump into bed, but on how much pleasure you and your partner experience in each sex session.

It is often underestimated how important empathy is when it comes to sex. Empathy is caring for and understanding your partner's feelings, and this is incredibly important in sex. Because if you feel that your partner actually cares about your pleasure, you will be more engaged in sex with that person. We often go into sex with too much ego, and that is a real shame. We should understand each other and treat each other with love. Sex can be confusing, awkward, strange, and very hot. Make room for your many emotions to co-create a wonderful erotic experience.