In my experience, discussions about money are rarely just about money. For the people involved, it's about what the money represents. Instead of fixating on dollars and cents, let's shift the focus to the underlying feelings of who owes/deserves what. Does your husband feel controlled by the current economic situation? What does being a mainstay mean to you?

Different people think about money differently: some are savers, others are spenders. These attitudes are shaped by how we were raised and what money meant to our parents. For example, there was a patient whose father lost his job when she was in middle school. The family had to sell their house and move in with relatives who lived in another state. This experience undoubtedly affected her own financial sense and caused problems with her less cautious significant other. However, instead of this conflict driving a wedge between them, they used it to deepen their understanding of each other and eventually came to share the meaning of money as a couple.

So here's my two cents (pun intended): openly discuss what money means to each of you. Money can easily become a weapon. Choose to disarm it instead.

Dr. Samantha Boardman is a clinical instructor of psychiatry and assistant psychiatrist at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York and founder of positiveprescription.com. (Open in new tab)

This article originally appeared in the February 2020 issue of Marie Claire.

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