For the third consecutive season, the Bachelor/ette franchise has revolved around sex (open in new tab). Frankly, it's getting old. And it makes an already stale premise (open in new tab) feel even stale.

"The Bachelor" shows its staleness by evolving almost exclusively around drama. Nowhere is this more evident than in their treatment of sex. It flips between giving people sexual agency and shaming them for "being intimate." Indeed, the show seems to be trying to stretch to attract sex-positive viewers while avoiding alienating those who don't like sexual nuance. For every season that promotes sex as empowering, there is another season that claims the opposite. The cracks are becoming more noticeable.

During last year's season of Bachelorette, Hannah Brown, the producers touted her mantra, "I had sex, yet Jesus loves me." A show that was seen as a case study in old-fashioned values (open with new tab) finally embraced empowerment. It was the basis of Brown's entire season, and according to her preview, Cinderella Unbound, her ultimate bachelorette was a blessing (opens in new tab). Season villain Luke Parker (opens in new tab) was scorned by some for calling her decision to have sex a "slip-up" and saying he would leave if she did not meet his strict religious standards. Current Bachelor Peter Weber was one of her contestants at the time, and was hailed as a "sex with windmills (open with new tab)" man for satisfying her four times.

This season of "The Bachelor," the framing is reversed. Weber has been constantly pointed out by both Chris Harrison (opens in new tab) and viewers (opens in new tab) as being vulnerable. By the time he arrives in the fantasy suite, he is faced with a consequential choice: should he risk one relationship (with Madison Prewett (opens in new tab)) or should she risk the other two (Hannah Ann Suras (opens in new tab) and Victoria Fuller) in a previous rose ceremony (opens in new tab)) by completing the overnights, she quietly told him she did not want him to be intimate with others.) He tries to make it compatible, his relationship with Prewett deteriorates, and his relationship with the audience deteriorates.

In the hours and days following last week's episode, viewers blamed Weber, there was no way to defend his actions (opens in new tab), he ruined everything (opens in new tab), and they "attacked" him for making Prewett cry (opens in new tab )" ready to do so, he said. Basketball legend Charles Barkley (opens in new tab) even told her to "dump that loser." Many more supported Prewett (open in new tab) and said she was strong (open in new tab) for her values and that the program needs more people like that (open in new tab). It is fascinating how the reactions to these two scenarios (Pruett and Weber vs. Parker and Brown) are so divided, despite the obvious similarities. Despite the many differences in behavior and tone throughout the season, Parker and Prewett introduce their views in almost identical phrases:

There are some important differences: Prewett does not share the belief in saving himself for marriage until late in the season She does not (opens in new tab). She knows the structure of the show, but does not even state the full reasons for what seems like her ultimatum until after the overnight (to be fair, the earlier discussion about saving sex for marriage may have been edited). As for Parker's bullying and toxicity, we have known what he believes from day one (opens in new tab). Waiting for Prewett to share the information and then immediately imposing that standard on Weber does not sit well with me. (Parker defended Prewett (open in new tab) on social media, saying he was "proud" of her and that "the fantasy suite situation is all too familiar.")

I am not opposed to male leads getting a glimpse of what the Bachelorette sees. While the leads, including Brown and Caitlin Bristow, have been open about the shame (open in new tab) they have suffered for their sexual decisions, it is unusual for their male counterparts to face the same viewer outrage. I am also not opposed to anyone deciding not to have sex. What I am concerned about is when someone's rigid beliefs, whether quietly or loudly, cause them to disparage those who do not hold the same beliefs. As a rape victim, I understand the unique dynamics of men forcing women to have sex with them. But I don't get that vibe from Weber. And, for what it's worth, I have no problem with his choice to have consensual sex with the woman or women he is dating as well.

The show frames Weber's decision as a mistake, focusing on the karmic blowback and his heartbreak (opens in new tab), which is presented in the trailer. Let's not forget the most overused clip of the season: Weber's mother, whom "God placed" in front of him. Producers assume this refers to Prewett.

This means that in this upside-down version of Brown's season, Weber could end up with someone who embarrassed him. These two men, who have very different ideas about sex, somehow deserve each other," Weber went from a man who had empowering sex with Brown to a man who "wasn't supposed" to have sex with him but did. Within the same franchise, Weber's decision set him up as the perfect man.

Chris Harrison, on his podcast "Bachelor Happy Hour" with Rachel Lindsay and Becca Kufrin, blasted the contestants instead of the show (opens in new tab)." Peter was kicking the can down the road, and this time Madison kicked it too. When it came down to proposal week, the guy was really screwed and there was no chance of making it work. So the producers threw the female contestants into the pressure cooker and kept them in the same living quarters during the overnights. The resulting drama (opens in new tab) was the most damaging and reductive in the show's history.

Too tragic to be true from Prewett's perspective: accepting an engagement from someone you slept with a week ago from someone else is a difficult proposition. It is extreme cognitive dissonance to feel chosen and at the same time have to contend with what feels like cheating. The show sets up and then quietly revels in its problematic nature. The more it tries to shift blame onto the contestants, the more it reveals its puppet strings.

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but over the past three seasons, "The Virgin Bachelor" Colton Underwood and his chosen partner, Kathy Randolph, have actually handled things in the most evolved way. Randolph had a conversation with her conservative father (open in new tab) that the producer had made up a night earlier, but he mostly tried to help her understand his feelings. And Underwood, because of his love for Randolph, chose not to be intimate on the first overnighter. But he had to leave the show (and perhaps break his contract and risk serious consequences (opens in new tab)) to pursue her exclusively in a way that honored them both. The "trust the process" thing certainly didn't work out for either of them, for Brown, or for Weber.

Not that the franchise has any incentive to change: right now, the ratings are tremendous (opens in new tab) and it thrives on this hate-filled viewing. But if the show continues to go back and forth between sex-positive and sex-shaming, it will eventually alienate one or both viewers. If we equivocate on this subject for too long, we will lose sight of us altogether.

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