In early April, I had been in isolation with my mother in Las Vegas for about two weeks. I had recently been laid off. Everything I knew about my life was gone. And I was horny.

I wanted to feel sexy, but I had no romantic or sex partner. Something sparked inside me when a friend sent me a picture of herself naked on top in bed. Excited to have found a new outlet to express my sexuality, I kneeled naked on the bed facing the full-length mirror in my closet, buttocks sticking out to the left, hand strategically placed over my vagina. The lighting was romantic and forgiving. I felt really beautiful. I sent it to her.

"I love how you stole this pose!" She immediately replied. 'Your breasts are amazing.'

Now I wonder: why didn't I exchange nudes (consensually) with the woman I love and trust most in the world, instead of sending them to a man who often doesn't fully appreciate them and could potentially weaponize them" Even before COVID-19, many of us were lonely were; a 2018 Cigna survey of 20,000 adults found that nearly half of Americans felt somewhat or always lonely. And a late March poll by research firm Benenson Strategy Group found that 55% of Americans felt their mental health was affected (open in new tab) during the coronavirus crisis. At a time when social distance makes IRL dating impossible and people feel more isolated and stressed than ever, sending private photos in group chats with close friends can be a safe and healthy way to tap into the sensual side and gain confidence quickly.

Women have long struggled with trying to indulge their sexuality. Gigi Engle, a certified sexologist and author of All the Fucking Mistakes, says, "There are many [sex-shaming] messages on women's bodies. If you send nude photos, you are a prostitute; if you take nude photos, you are a prostitute." Engle cites well-known examples of sexual exploitation, including the 2014 Celebritygate (opens in new tab) - in which nude and intimate photos of more than 100 celebrities were leaked online (an "enormous invasion of privacy," Engle says) - and a former husband spread her nude photos online the resignation of former Congresswoman Katie Hill (opens in new tab). Although most states now have revenge porn laws, the sexist stigma attached to nude photos still has the power to destroy a woman's life in an instant.

"All female friends should encourage each other to send each other nudes to celebrate. Engle says." That's how we make the world feminist in general."

My friend Karen D'Ambrosi, with whom I first exchanged nudes, felt a void as a result of having no physical contact with anyone outside of her family during the pandemic. She says, "There's something endearing about the thought of one of my friends undressing and taking a picture especially for me after we were all alone and locked up in our rooms during the pandemic."

My former colleague, Maddy M., also says she once sent nudes to a friend as a way to fill a nasty new gap in her life. She explains that when she joined a registry to isolate her parents and lost her regular job and dating, her mind immediately went into a "starving mental state." She decided to take beautiful pictures of herself and send them to friends as a necessary part of her self-care. She says she "never felt as sexualized as I did during COVID-19." Sending nudes of herself is less about the person and more about herself. It's cool to make time to rest and care for yourself. It makes me feel so much better about this reality."

The risks associated with sending nudes, such as losing a job (open in new tab), bullying, and suicidal thoughts from leaked images (open in new tab), mean that some women do not send or take nudes. But there are others who are fighting against such sexism and sexual abuse, disturbing the male gaze, and reclaiming the power of their own body image. Recently, controversial influencer Caroline Calloway posted a nude photo of herself on Twitter. Artist Katie Prior saw it, drew it, and posted a reproduction of it on her Instagram, Draws Nudes. (Pryor, who lives in East London, has been commissioned by people to draw nude photos and turn them into permanent works of art.)

"Looking closely at my body and the parts of my body that I would only show to a lover has made me fall in love with my body all over again," says Pryor. "I'm single, and I don't think [nude photos] should be reserved for people who are in relationships just to feel good about themselves. A relationship with a friend may be more stable than a romantic relationship. There is a sense of intimacy and closeness that has nothing to do with sex."

The day I decided to take solo nude photos, I was craving intimacy too. And I wanted to get better about my body. During this stressful and sad time, I have resorted to comfort foods and alcohol more than usual, and my body has taken its toll. I told myself that my body and mind were coping in a rational way and that this was no time for self-loathing, but at the same time my negative body image was weighing on me.

I pushed myself to experiment. I propped my cell phone against the edge of a shelf and set the self-timer to 10 seconds. I lay down on the couch, threw out one leg and took a picture; I arched my back and took a picture; I spread my hips for the camera and looked back at it with hungry eyes. They told me that my body was still here, beautiful and alluring.

I worried that some of the pictures would be too graphic to send. So, after a little artistic cropping and confirmation of consent, I sent the photos to my three friends. Positive reactions poured in: "They are so beautiful. Your boobs are truly an amazing asset.", "You look so beautiful and sexy.", "Keep the sexiness for us, thank you." Their exuberant and enthusiastic feedback convinced me that I would send sexy pictures to my friends again in the future and offer myself as a safe outlet for them to do so.

In my most strained photo, I am lying on the floor, my back rounded and my chest and stomach protruding. I have stubble under my armpits, stretch marks dotting my right hip, and pubic hair peeking out. My body appears hard and muscular.

"This one's my favorite," Karen replies. I smile and save the photo to look back at another day.

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