Welcome to "Couples + Money" (opens in new tab). Forget about questions about your sex life. Let's talk about something more personal. Let's talk about what you and your partner do and don't do with your paychecks.

Every other Thursday, an anonymous couple speaks candidly to Marie Claire about how they divide their finances. All the details of what each person pays personally, what they split 50-50, who pays the tab at restaurants, who fights over bank statements, and more.

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This week, Diane, 35, a digital/content strategist who is currently unemployed, and her student, carpenter, music producer husband, Tom (age 32). They have been married for four years and live in Brooklyn, New York with their young daughter.

Tom We met on Tinder in May 2016 and moved in together two weeks later. I think we exchanged "I love you's" shortly thereafter. Why date people who don't know how to take care of themselves when you can develop a relationship?

Diane: We got married in December 2016. Neither of us were on the path to marriage, but that's when we met.

Tom: Before COVID-19, I worked as a freelance sound technician in bars. I also worked as a crew member at a set design chop store and as a grip (a technician working with lights and cameras). So it was already hard to get 17 credits in school while doing all those jobs. And then I lost my job almost at the same time.

Diane: I got pregnant in 2018 and had a very good job, but the company I was working for at the time went bankrupt. I haven't had a full time job since then. I am trying to do a gig. I've had calls to rewrite my resume and I've dusted off all my LinkedIn profiles. I have interviews every week. I am doing everything I can. There just doesn't seem to be much I can do.

Tom, this is my last semester at school in Brooklyn. Because of the pandemic, the entire curriculum has been turned into distance learning. I only need 6 credits to graduate, and since it's my last semester, I wanted to go all out with a really cool visual thesis. Besides, the courses I took were practical: rigging, stage design, and interior (design). The only course I really excelled in was the post-production thesis. I get to make videos and music at home. I had to drop some courses and am struggling in others. But my professors know that I am a good student. [Diane: My baby was in a program called Women, Infants, and Children (WIC). Milk, vegetables, and cheese. On a card that you scan at the grocery store, there is $40 worth of food. When she turned one, her benefits ran out. But I didn't want to take her to the clinic to get recertified for eligibility, so they called me about two weeks ago and said they could recertify her over the phone, so I got my eligibility back.

Tom, my father had a coronavirus infection. He is fine now, but the fact that he was infected with COVID was very scary. It is also hard not being able to see my mother in Harlem because of the social distance.

Diane: In mid-March, I applied for cash assistance (I already have food stamps). I tried to talk to the property management company about the situation, but my lease was up for renewal on May 1. We were too scared to go look at the apartment (while the doors were locked), so we asked for a reduced rent or a small extension instead of a one-year contract. Our apartment is less than 500 square feet and too small for us now. They finally told us, in a personable manner over the phone, that we could pay as much as we could and the rest in June. "The government already provides a small rent of about $380 and may do so again. I have not cancelled my lease. Am I a squatter?

Tom, it's just my wife, daughter and me. I'm concerned that I'm holding my daughter back from growing up by being in a 450 sq. ft. space all day every day. But yesterday we went outside for a long, safe walk. Social experiences are huge, especially for toddlers. But we try to replicate that cognition, motor skills, and social communication as much as possible."

Diane: I have two older children from a previous marriage who visit three times a year. If it were a normal summer, we'd have a trip, which keeps our expenses down.

Diane: Right before I was laid off, we were evicted from another rental house. I didn't want to live in a rental anymore. So we started looking for an apartment, but we didn't have time. ...... Apparently I should have started the process three months ago. I had $100,000 saved up and have been living off of it. I'm grateful, but also disappointed. I just have some bills automatically paid on my credit card.

Tom I have no significant income at all. But I do have government assistance so I can get groceries and toiletries.

Diane: When I lost my job before, I cashed in a small 401(k). They make it sound like it would be a serious mistake, but it was $2,000 and every month I was losing 12%. It took me 3 years to cash it in because I'm a rule follower.

Diane: Now it's convenient anyway. But I'm sure once I have a steady income again, I'll have a different strategy.

Tom: Any financial aid from school or money from any job, we give it to her. She's the supervisor of everything.

Diane: We don't have to talk every day. Lockdown has helped me in some cases. I reduced my phone plan. I used to work in a co-working space for networking, but I stopped that too. These days I just talk when new benefits arrive on my account.

Tom The last time I got paid was when I asked a friend to edit a video for me for $175.00 I don't have the full $175.00 left, but it's crazy to have no expenses at all. I go to the store and I see something I like, but I'm like, "I can't really afford it right now." It's sobering.

Dianne: COVID has changed him, but I feel like I'm the more conscientious saver and spender. Every time he gets hooked on something new, like a motorcycle, he buys everything he needs for it, and COVID-19 teaches him to look through a magnifying glass at what's important and what's superfluous.

Diane: My father had a difficult childhood. He was the youngest, but he was a very responsible child. He was the kind of kid that if he got a $2 allowance a week, he had $200 under his bed. When he got older, he worked in fast food restaurants. When he started college, he had $3,000 in savings. I don't know much about investing, but I do know how not to spend money. I figured if I could own real estate someday, it would be my asset.

Before I met Tom Diane, I had a really decent job. I was balanced with reckless spending on hotels, vacations, and casinos. I didn't understand what a budget was. It took me a long time to understand that I didn't have to spend money on certain things.

Tom Spending money unnecessarily. Before my child was born, I was always on the go. Now she will see (my) receipts and it's not fair. This time there is no financial discord, but there have been many times in the past because I relapsed: 'Now I just want to have fun.'

Diane: We make ourselves feel gorgeous by using food stamps on my birthday. They set up a nice table in an outdoor space in our building. They buy me meat and bake me a cake and make me feel special, just like my mom did for me when I was a kid. Someone recently completed a puzzle and gave it to me.

Tom Tom: Sometimes you run out of ideas. When this pandemic started I thought the shutdown would only last a week or two at most. But birthdays have always been a big deal for me. I didn't want Diane's birthday or my feelings for her to feel diminished by this crisis. I see victory in this defeat.

Tom We want to be a power couple. That way we can have a honeymoon, we can have both sets of relatives. We agree on having a home

Diane: We talked about the idea of moving out of the city. Rent is meaningless if you can't enjoy the benefits.

Tom: I am constantly looking for gigs every day. If I get turned down for a job, I get mentally ill. I'm doing the best I can now for the unforeseeable future, for when I'm back to semi-normal.

[Editor's note: Since this interview, the couple has said they hope to move by September.]

The interview has been abridged and edited for clarity. Pen names used. Interviewed and edited by Katherine J. Igoe. Design by Morgan McMullen. Illustrations by Rachel Baker.