My brother Dominic was born on June 1, 2005. To my parents, he was an accident, an unplanned fourth child. But he was also a blessing, and as I held him for the first time in my tiny 8-year-old arms, I immediately felt the bond that only siblings can have. It was a love so deep it was impossible to reach the bottom of my heart.

On that first day, I looked at him and could already imagine how my life would change with him in it. The Rodriguez children were in groups of four, two girls and two boys. Dominic played sports, charmed a couple of hearts, and would probably dent my car if I allowed him to take my car out for a drive on weekends when he came home from college. But Dominique never did that. Instead, Dominic Win-Tron Rodriguez was given a life that no one in my family could have anticipated. My brother is autistic.

Dominic was diagnosed with autism at the age of two and a half. His diagnosis was a shock, but I accepted it and moved on. My parents took the blame and for a while I was bitter and lost. It was like a light went out and there was no light bulb to replace it.

The child who once looked me in the eye could not catch my gaze. Certain noises were too loud for him, and even the slightest noise would deafen him, and fifteen years later he still doesn't speak.

According to a 2016 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (open in new tab), approximately 1 in 54 children in the United States were diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that year. Not all autistic children are the same, and more people need to understand this. When I tell people that my brother is autistic, they often think of Leonardo DiCaprio in "Why I Ate Gilbert Grape" or Freddie Highmore in "The Good Doctor."

Most medical professionals classify children on a spectrum to indicate their developmental progress and abilities. It ranges from high-functioning, like Asperger's Syndrome, who can participate in daily life, including speaking and managing behavior, to low-functioning, like my brother, who has difficulty communicating, suffers from extreme OCD, and has trouble expressing emotions that fit social standards.

Earlier this year, family-oriented influencer Micah Stauffer released a video on her YouTube channel announcing that she and her husband James had "rehomed" their autistic son Huxley, 5, whom they adopted from China in 2017. In an article she contributed to Parade (opens in new tab) in May about Huxley's adoption, Stauffer said that she and her husband were told by the agency that Huxley had a "brain tumor" and "brain damage." She explained that she was not positive about special needs adoption at first, but "as the idea became more prevalent, God softened our hearts." It was not until she returned home that she realized that Huxley's special needs file was "inaccurate" and that he had been diagnosed with "stroke in utero, level 3 autism (most severe), sensory processing disorder."

In a now-deleted video from May 26 called "Our Family Update," Micah and James explain that they have placed Huxley in another home with a new "forever family." Micah said (opens in new tab), "There is not an ounce of our body that we don't love Huxley with every fiber of our being. There is not a minute that goes by that we did not try our hardest. After numerous evaluations, many medical professionals felt that he needed a different fit and that he needed more (due to medical necessity).

At first he couldn't click and was sleeping. I knew that watching the video would open up a wound that would take weeks to heal. The next morning I watched the video and felt nothing. Nothing, like I didn't even have any feelings. Like anger, sadness, and confusion canceling each other out in some strange emotional calculus. All I could think about was Huxley. I wondered if Stauffer had explained to Huxley why he was taking Huxley into foster care. Does he know he is still loved? How does this affect his progress? It was difficult not to be critical. This is their decision, their version of parenting. On the other hand, to publicize one's life is to welcome scrutiny.

I think my hesitation to learn more about the Stauffers was because I was dealing with my own feelings about my brother and his recent decisions regarding his future.

My brother's tick, or what excites him, began with us. Unfortunately, when his environment was not as he wanted it to be, he became increasingly violent. As Dominic got older, he lost control of his power and temper. Most of our arguments started over food and escalated. At one point, he almost finished a large pizza in front of me as I watched. When I came to get the last couple of slices, he clawed at my left hand and wouldn't let go until I gave up the pizza. I remember that scar.

The physical and emotional toll proved too much for our family, and four months ago we decided to place my brother in a facility that specializes in caring for autistic children. Four months ago we placed our brother in a facility that specializes in caring for children with autism, located 40 minutes from our mother's home in California, where we can visit him at any time with notice, but we can no longer give him the full-time care he deserves. They are.

I was sick with grief. Before he left, I tried to tell him how much I loved him and wanted to give him everything. How could I be sure that he understood me when he never spoke a word to me?

No matter where he lives, Dominic is still my brother and the most important person in my life. I care for him so much that I sometimes wonder if I could ever care for anyone else more. Our families sometimes live apart, but we remain close.

On June 15, Micah posted an apology (opens in new tab) admitting how naive he was when it came to adopting Huxley. It is hard to imagine many families giving up on adopting a child with autism or terminating the adoption process. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 5% of adoptions in the United States are legally terminated each year. These children are at risk of forming unstable attachments, making it difficult for them to trust their future adult caregivers. That type of trauma does not go away. According to a U.S. Department of Health and Human Services study (open in new tab), insecure attachments cause severe depressive and anxiety symptoms in adolescents and lower self-esteem.

Having an autistic sibling can be difficult. I have had Dominic make me bleed. There have been times when Dominic did something in public that embarrassed me and I thought I would never recover. If I had, I would have ......" I have asked myself. Would my other siblings and I have been as close? Would my parents still be together? It is dangerous to think about these things. But over the years, I have come to realize that there are no ifs in life, only ifs.

I don't think I would have liked that version of Bianca Rodriguez if I hadn't had my brother Dominic in my life. I think a girl without Dominic would be irresponsible, impatient, insensitive, and unsupportive. Because of Dominic, I learned that the word family means strength, that it means catching up when others can't, that there is no upper limit to selflessness.

The idea of the perfect family doesn't exist no matter how much pop culture reinforces that narrative. No one wants perfection anyway."[18] I think it is really the imperfections that make things masterpieces. Dominic is the greatest work of art for my family and my life without him living under the same roof is going to be a colorless one. I can only hope that the Stauffers feel the same way about Huxley.